THESE WERE THE DOUBTS I HAD
September 26, 2023
I arrived at my first stop, Portland, Oregon. I arrived late at the hotel because I took a late flight from Kansas City. From Portland, I would travel the next day to a runner/writer retreat at Caldera Arts, a retreat center about 2 ½ hours from Portland. The setting was in the Cascade Mountain Range on the shore of Blue Lake. The famous runner, Lauren Fleshman, was the host for this event.
My amazing runner daughter, Laura, who is also an Ironman triathlete, put the idea in my head. She had followed Lauren on Instagram and admired her running accomplishments as well as her writing skill. She thought this was just the event for me.
When I woke up the next morning, I felt weak and trembly and began to have doubts about myself. You know that old hymn that speaks of when “doubts arise and fears dismay.” That is what I felt. I had serious doubts. Would I fit in? Would I be able to keep up with other runners? Would I know how to converse with this group of accomplished women? I called Laura and told her I thought I needed to go home. I didn’t feel well, and I wasn’t sure I could do this. Laura told me later she was trying to figure out how she was going to get me home! She quickly responded: “Mom, I think you probably need to eat a good breakfast!” She gave me a pep talk—and it turned out she was right. I went downstairs and ate a good breakfast. I thought about what she said. And I carried through with the plan.
The ladies were exceptional, from all over the US, runners as well as writers, a unique combination. They welcomed me. I found we had a lot in common—amazingly so. The scenery, the writing sessions, the running in the beautiful setting all made for a life-changing experience. I continue to stay in touch with many of the women I met, and their lives inspire me.
The song I mentioned above is entitled “Higher Ground.” The writer of the song asks God to plant his feet on higher ground.” I need to remind myself of those words often. My book on prayer challenges me to look at life from God’s perspective as I pray.
Satan, our busy adversary, brings doubts to discourage us when we take a step forward. He’s happy as can be if we just sit and stay in our comfort zone.
The greater the challenge, the heftier the darts of doubt he throws. That’s why the Bible gives us a picture of what we need to do in such situations. Hold up the shield of faith. Paul described our need to be attired in “the whole armor of God” and the shield is one piece of the picture that he described. He says: “in all circumstances take up the shield of faith,” and that with that shield we can “extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one.” It helps to have some faith mantras to quote as we quickly bring up that shield such as Paul’s reminder that God “is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think . . .”
We never know where those doubts will come from—any direction is possible. We must stay alert to what is happening.
I learned from my Caldera Arts experience that the answer to those questions I had in the hotel as to whether I would be able to fit in was a resounding “YES!”
May I always remember to take my shield.